I smell freedom~

I just realised that it's been almost a year since I last blogged. I figured it's one of the best way of ventilating out though I have been really lazy to upkeep this page of mine. I have been having flu since monday evening. I felt really bad having to take so many days of sick leave but due to the fact that there's an increasing number of H1N1 incidences happening, one just have to take precautionary measures. The doctor gave me 3 days of MC to recupperate. Gladly, I was tested negative. The experience of having nasal swab stick going up your nostrils was pretty traumatic for me! It hurts~ tryin' not to sound gross but there was some traces of blood when I sneezed. You can imagine how it was for me. I have been confining myself at home for past 3 days. The medication which was prescribed for me didn't do much help. I am glad that the fever has settled though. I'll probably have to pay my GP a visit to get some clarinase to clear that nasal congestion and the irritating post nasal drip which disrupts my sleep. >.<

Being confined at home has done more "damage" than good. Haha Too much sleep drives one nuts especially to your mental health. I think it is very depressing to be staying home all day and night. Frankly speaking, I am trying hard not to succumb to the emo-ness in me. I have been eating, sleeping and playing FB. I can't wait to get out of the house tomorrow and indulge myself. Pedicure, perhaps some shopping and then meeting my friend for Japanese cuisine. xD At last, I can smell the air of freedom soon~

Happy thoughts

It really has been a really long time since I last updated my blog. I have completed my studies just 2 months ago and I am now back to work. What triggered me to update my blog is probably boredom or maybe I am beginning to feel really insecure about myself. I have slackened and I find myself really affected by it. It is usually those quiet and boring nights that make you think or even wonder about your life; your everything.

I have just finished working 3 nights of graveyard shifts and right now, I am feeling totally worn out and simply to put it, I feel shitty, tired and haggard. I no longer feel the kinda energy I used to have anymore. The regular sleeping hours for the last 8 and 1/2 months made me more normal than before, which means, 3 hours of sleep which I used to be getting before is really considered inadequate. I have stopped going to the clubs these days probably dreading the "aftermath". Not having enough sleep is a disaster to me! Now sleep is more important to me than ever. Haha.

I seriously think that the blog is one of the best way of ventilating your feelings. It is usually very difficult to be talking to your friends or even your closed ones about your feelings or emotions. Just how many of your friends are willing to sit down there the whole day to hear your whinnings about life? Most of us would probably give you their best piece of advice based on their life experiences. I think most of us, well probably myself, would just prefer one to just listen.

Talking about being a confident person, I think that the confidence I used to have is half gone? I am unhappy with myself..and most would say, "Well don't just complain, do something about it!" I just want to be myself again. I want to be happy and confident. I feel lazy and have slackened again since the beginnning of 2008. I promise myself by the end of 2008, I am gonna find the old me back!

Geez, I could list down tons and tons of things I am unhappy about down but as what Abraham has taught, think of what you want and not what you don't want. So whenever you are feeling down, think of the happy thoughts.

Whinning...

Here we go! It's monday again! I ain't suffering from monday blues but.. the damn weather is just killin' me. On top of that, there's renovation works going on upstairs. Here I am trying to study for my exams...and the damn drilling noise just won't stop! It's frustrating the hell outta me! Anyways, I can't wait for my exams to be over and I'll have like 5 days off before my OJT starts again! Boo...10 weeks of OJT.. I guess it's better than just being a lazy pig at home. Hah.. I just need to get my exercise and gym routine started again. And oh...seems like I am getting fairer.. I'll probably go sunbake one of these days..though too much exposure to the sun ain't good..but it will be great to have some colour on my skin! I just don't wanna look sickly..I don't understand why would some girls wanna look all white? I don't wanna look all dark but..some colour would be nice..at least I'd want a healthy glow..instead of looking all pale and sickly.

And I just got my manicure and pedicure done lately..electric blue.. gawd...well I kinda like the colour.. but..I have got people telling me I'm looking more like a demoness.. boo.. kinda have second thoughts now..I think after my exams, I'll probably switch to some nude tones.. =p

Hmm..I shouldn't be whinning too much before I'm being called a whinner again. But anyways, exam's happening on wednesday, behavioural science... wish me luck peeps! I'm gonna do my best to pass it!

Back to the books..... ^^

Exams Exams Exams~

I haven't been blogging for ages! But...but I have to do this before I head out to school. I am having my health care management paper today..I am feeling nervous and scared.. and I am definitely in a sympathetic nervous mode.. well we have this parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous system..blah blah.. I can go on and on..but ain't got anytime for this right now.. I just wanna tell myself, I will conquer this fear which I am having right now. I will sail through today's exam smoothly. I have the wisdom and strength to go through this! I will make it and pass today's paper! Positiveness always work! I will make it! GAMBATTE! Hah.. ^^V

Sleep Paralysis

I have had a scary experience again last night just when I was falling asleep. I felt that I had been immobilized suddenly. I was scared and thought I felt a prescence. I didn't dare to open my eyes for I fear of seeing the invisible being. On top of that, I felt that "something" was pressing on my chest. I tried to move my upper limbs and even attempted to open my mouth to scream but I just couldn't. Numbness was felt over my body. I struggled for what it seemed like a minute or so. And I managed to break free. What had gone through my mind was, was there a spirit or a ghost trying to scare me by doing that? This ain't the worst I have ever experienced. During my poly days, I had a really bad experience one evening. It was around sevenish in the evening, while I was taking a nap. The same thing happened, but during that time, I had opened my eyes but I didn't see anything. I could even hear my younger brother playing games in his room. I was really scared. I attempted to scream but I just couldn't! The scary part was, I heard an evil laughter just beside me. I reckoned it persisted for more than a good 5 minutes. And then I was able to break free. I couldn't get back to sleep, and that night, I suffered insomnia.

Anyways, earlier on, I was curious and wanted to find out if there is any explanation behind this frightening experience. And what I found was that, this phenomenon is actually known as sleep paralysis. It is is a condition characterized by temporary paralysis of the body shortly after waking up (known as hypnopompic paralysis) or, less often, shortly before falling asleep (known as hypnagogic paralysis).

Physiologically, it is closely related to the normal paralysis that occurs during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, also known as REM atonia. Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain is awakened from an REM state into essentially a normal fully awake state, but the bodily paralysis is still occurring. This causes the person to be fully aware, but unable to move. In addition, this state may be accompanied by hypnagogic hallucinations. More often than not, sleep paralysis is believed by the person affected by it to be no more than a dream. This is the reason why there are many dream recountings which describe the person lying frozen and unable to move. The hallucinatory element to sleep paralysis makes it even more likely that someone will interpret the experience as simply a dream, as one might see completely fanciful objects in a room alongside the normal vision one can see.

Haha..now I know that all along I have been scaring myself. There is actually a scientific explanation for all these!

Vexed, stressed, and feeling damn emo~

It's really been a while since I last updated my blog. I guess it's time to clear the cobwebs eh. I'm just not in the best of mood these days. Blame it on the stressful school life I am going through. Sometimes I really wonder if I have made the right choice. The coming week is my break week. It's suppose to be my holidays but everything's just gonna get hectic. I have alot of assignments due when school re-opens. I know I probably whine alot but nothing wrong with ventilating things out when it gets stressful. I figure it's better than bottoming up things. I think I'd probably go bersek.

I have been trying to tell myself to enjoy this weekend before next week comes. Suddenly I just dunno what to do and where/what to begin with. I am really real vexed these days, ahh I just feel like crying it out. Besides ventilating out my frustrations and worries through this portal, I dunno if I should be bugging my friends with this. I know what they are gonna tell me.. "Have faith, you can do it". I know eventually I will, just because I do not want to see myself fail. I want to make it and then move on with my life. Of course, nothing in life comes easy. I'll just try my best and make it through. It's another good 5 months to go. So peeps, do wish me luck! I'll probably snap out of this emo mode until monday comes! Hah.. (EMO-ing in progress~) Life's a bitch!!! RAWR~

An eerie dream

I was taking a short nap earlier this evening. Anyways, I had an eerie dream. In the dream, I dreamt that I was sitting down at the void deck down at my block. It was at night and I was just seated there relaxing and looking around. There, I saw a group of people walking towards my direction and one guy offered me some pastry. He greeted me "Happy New Year" and then left. And then came 2 ladies. They started talking to me. One of them was in her late 40s and the other probably in her 60s. They too, offered me the same pastries. Hah talking about food. Anyways, they both sat down and then started telling me stories. They were real friendly. I couldn't remember what the younger lady was telling me, but suddenly I just dozed off there. I woke up to find myself sleeping in my bed. Then I lapsed into sleep again and found myself back there sitting. The looks on their faces turned eerie despite still smiling. I got scared with chills running down my spine. I didn't feel too good. I was telling myself that I don't think they belong to this world? So I told them I have to leave. I just quickly walked back upstairs and was glad to find that the main door to my apartment wasn't locked. When I opened the door, I saw my late grandma sitting there in the living room. She quickly walked towards me and asked if I have met any ghosts downstairs. I told her I think I did, she just hugged and comforted me, telling me, "Don't be scared, let them come, I'll drive them away. Don't you worry." And then I just woke up!

The dream was really weird and eerie!! I felt as if I was in another dimension or some sort. I had a cold chill running down my spine when I woke up after that dream. Even my palms are still sweaty as I type. Ekk.. what a dream! I'm feeling cold and kinda scared? Don't ask me why. But I do believe in ghosts and spirits. Somehow I think my late grandma came back to visit me. And I know I may sound unfillial but she didn't come across my mind for the past week or so. Weird eh? Oh well.. something to wonder about. Do ghosts and spirits exist?